Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Blogger versus IKEA cabinet: DAY 1

We have much that is IKEA in this house.

I have assembled three BILLY bookcases and three MARKOR bookcases (We read. A lot. And we only wish we had room for more). Big wicker BASTANT baskets store toys and other baby stuff on the bottom shelves of the latter three.

Two POÄNGs, both with footstools, plus two mini-POÄNGS for Kiernan to sit on, stand on yelling "GET DOWWWN!" or pee on. Dammit. But I digress.

Both the crib and change table upstairs are DIKTAD, and in the living room there's a TROFAST toy sorter in the corner, just calling out to Kiernan, "Psst! Hey, kid! Look at me, I'm a big stairway to Funville (population: BOOM!) - too bad I'm not turned around so you can reach the mantle! But hey, that's only one well-timed jump away!"

I organized our kitchen pantry with IKEA boxes, baskets, and sliding basket drawers of which were a quarter of an inch narrower than said pantry - yet I managed to make it work despite my lack of mad carpentry skillz.

As well: Various lamps, cutlery, tweezer-like cooking tongs, TV stands, hanging closet sorters, magnetic knife racks (for the magnetic spice jars - it is truly a thing of beauty), and baby clothes hangers which I won't be searching the IKEA names of because really, it doesn't impress you that much, y'know?

All this to say we have lots of IKEA, 75% of which I have assembled. I've also been called in to assemble the IKEA of friends, so I'm pretty damn good with an Allen key - so good in fact that the first thing I do is throw the keys away so I can tighten the screws with my bare hand (held cordless drill).

And so. Enter the KULLEN.

This thing is going in the basement to help us stuff even more storage space into our packrat lifestyle. Because really, if our house was like my childhood hamster, and our stuff was carrot sticks... well, let me just show you (note: not my hamster):



Only without the jazz music.

Anyway, the KULLEN came to us in the form of two long brown packages which have sat in our living room for the past 24 hours.

Staring at me. Calling out to me to be assembled. Assembled before they tip over from where they are leaning.

Eagerly, I ripped at the cardboard with my bare hands, attempting to get past the evil flesh cutting cardboard coating to reveal the birch beneath.

Sifting through the contents, I realize - THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE IN THE OTHER BOX! You know, the one marked "Box 1"

Again I tear in, pulling out one... two.. three bags of fixtures... and... glue? IKEA has glue!

At last the paper booklet was in my grasp. I turned past the iconic first page (blah blah do not assemble alone blah blah) to find... um... two pages listing all the hardware. Wow. This thing really is big. And I'm the type of person to inventory the hardware first thing, so...

So!

Right.

So I carried everything to the basement, to get a move on all that tomorrow night.

8 comments:

JennyB said...

OMG! that hamster video is priceless. "if...i.. could.. only.. shove.. ah, I'll chew a bit off, then shove it in"

K, Lara told me you were counting ikea furniture but i didn't believe it would amount to that much. we don't come close to that and I thought we had a lot ;)

short eared hamster said...

Aha! Forget the tumour theory. I've figured out the cause of your nose pain: Lara is secretly stashing baby carrots in your sinuses to see how many she can fit before you figure it out.

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