Cards, anyone?

I ordered four decks of the previously mentioned Desjgn Cards, in Gray Moonstone, Black Opal, Green Emerald, and Orange Coral. I'm wishing I'd gone for some Purple Spinel and Brown Topaz as well, but maybe in the future... because the current six decks of plastic playing cards in the house is not enough should I ever decide to open a casino in my so-uncluttered basement.

Anyway, for the first two days of his life Kiernan had no name. This was because Lara and I couldn't decide between the names Kiernan and Quinn. Now we're pretty sure of the names of both of the upcoming twins, but Quinn fell off the list of favourites long ago isn't even an option for either the boy or the girl.

The other day Lara casually mentions "Too bad we don't like the name Quinn anymore."
"Why's that?" I asked.
"Kiernan, Quinn, and Juliette - K Q J"
Blank stare from me.
"King Queen Jack?" she offered.
"I understand that. I was just thinking how I suddenly like the name Quinn again."

Unfortunately it's apparently not an option anymore.

Weekly Wednesday #34

Weekly Link:
Dork or Coolest Kid Ever?
(Highlight for answer: Huuuuuuuuge Dork.)

Weekly Video:
The scene: Disney Production Offices for "Kids Incorporated", circa mid-80s.
Music Director: Okay boss, I have a list of songs for approval here and-
Producer: Forget those. I've got your answer right here.
Music Director: Uh, okay..
Producer: That wholesome Sandy girl in Grease. Came out with that exercising song on the MTV a few years back.
Music Director: Olivia Newton J- Uh, wait, that song's not really abo-
Producer: It'll be great - get the kids on stage doing jumping jacks, lifting weights, really get the viewers at home off the couch.
Music Director: But the lyrics aren't ab-
Producer: Done! Let's get it wrapped by Tuesday. (pushing a button on his desk) Lydia, send in my next appointment. I'm in a firing mood.


Weekly Kiernan:
"Go to the next door now?"



Weekly Worst Halloween Candy:
Family's Best Potato Chips. (not to be confused with Family's Best Organic Chips)
Really, these are the best you can do? Well good luck with that, Family.

Weekly Workplace:
I'm in training all of next week, but since it is virtual I'll just be learning through shared desktops and teleconferencing. To let my coworkers know I'm not to be bothered while in training, I sent a mass email stating "You may ask what luxurious locale the Centre is sending me to in order to learn the ins and outs of Java Web Server Programming, and the answer to that is definitely fabulous and sun-soaked: my office."

Mass replies came my way reminding me not to forget my sunscreen... and yesterday I caught someone suspiciously sneaking a large straw sunhat away from view as I came around the corner. I wish I could sneak a a deck chair and margarita maker in here in an attempt to out-funny them when they inevitably break into my office after I leave for the weekend.

Of course I watch television, I just know it as Treehouse TV

Parents, go dig through your DVD collection and pull out the original episode of Dora the Explorer, episode 101: Legend of the Big Red Chicken.

First off, how's that for a pilot episode title?

Okay, now put it on the TV and... holy crap, did they even pay those poor animators?

I mean, there are scenes where Boots is just standing there and instead of just using the same frame to keep him still they've got his head bobbing slightly, mouth wandering around his face like The Map told it "Right cheek... forehead... chin!"

Now fast forward to the end to see the birth stages of the now-standard "We Did It" dance... they must have told the animators "Draw it like Dora is doing the Hustle, only tone it down on the whole logical-limb-structure."

Okay, so you may not have the episode, so just mute your speakers to avoid this failed attempt at funny audio dubbing using episode footage of opening scenes:



Now I know why they rarely have Dora turn her head away from 3/4 profile. Freaky. Football. Head.

Honestly, I haven't seen such inconsistent character design since episode 308 - "Meet Diego".

Random things I notice on Treehouse TV

- Before getting his own show, the Diego appearing on Dora seems to have been voiced by a post-pubescent teenager, and Baby Jaguar didn't talk. I guess when they decided to spin him off they were all "Wait, how old is he? And who's going to be his Boots-like-sidekick?"

- The costume designers of Hi-5 go to great lengths to add patches or random swatches of cloth in order to prevent cleavage from appearing on a kids show. It doesn't always work for Kimmee.

- There's a new show called Noukie and Friends. Noukie is a 3D-rendered Winnie the Pooh clone, and her friend Paco the Donkey looks like Eeyore. There is no match in A.A. Milne's world to their friend Lola the cow, so maybe that's how they avoid copyright issues.

- Fifi and the Flower Tots hovers barely above Max & Ruby and Miss Spider in its level of annoyingness.

- The songs on Yo Gabba Gabba all sound the same to me. It's all beeps and whistles for those young people! And now I have Party in my Tummy going through my head. I love how the Super Martian Robot Girl segments are designed by Evan Dorkin, who used to draw one of my favourite comic characters, Milk and Cheese.

- Another thing about Noukie and Friends -- I know how they stretch a 3D "skin" over a 3D "skeleton" to make characters look more realistic, but is there nothing that could be done by the animators to prevent the fact that when she walks, Noukie the bear has a nigh-constant case of camel toe? Did I mention the characters don't wear clothes? I can't find an image online to show you that isn't conveniently cropped at waist-level.

Treehouse... EXPLAIN!

Okay Treehouse TV. Every Sunday one can watch 6 back to back episodes of Max and Ruby, episodes of which have been voted as favourites online, should they choose to, or should they have a brain dysfunction.

Why. Why do you do this?

First off, the show sucks. I know it sucks. My sister knows it sucks. We've got good judgement (except she likes Miss Spider, wtf?) so others must know it sucks.

Rogers television knows it sucks. Know how I know this? Max and Ruby is available on Rogers on Demand.

FOR. FREE.

So explain to me what genius came up with this idea: "I know - people are sick of navigating to the episodes on their TV whenever they want to, so let's have them to use the internet to click which episodes they want to see, only -- get this -- at a time of OUR choosing!"

"Eric!" you say, "Max and Ruby are bunnies! It's an Easter Thing!"
to which I say "Miffy is too. Where's the Miffathon? I haven't even seen an episode of My Friend Rabbit, but I'd prefer watch its commercial over and over, bust my buttons and stop my heart!"

"Eric!" you exclaim, "It's only an hour of short Max and Ruby episodes!"
to which I scoff "An hour on Sunday. Between 11 and noon. That's a black hole of television programming that studios have never been able to escape. Just try and find something in that time slot... other than Max and freakin' Ruby."

You've heard the story before...

Two young parents are having trouble conceiving. Years of trying pass to no avail. They finally decide to adopt.

Their new baby daughter is a joy! As she grows she has a positive outlook on life, is very chatty, and very outgoing. In no time at all, the parents are pleased to see they've raised the girl into an adventurous and intelligent seven year old.

Then it happens.

What? Pregnant? But how? Oh, no matter, this is wonderful! A gift!

Nine months fly (and often drag, you know how it is) by, but their daughter can hardly wait to be a big sister!

The big day finally arrives, and...

TWINS?

That's right, a little brother AND a little sister...

From the start the couple start to worry... they've raised their daughter as their own, and it was never quite the time to mention the adoption... we'll wait another year, they discussed again and again, but now looking at their two little bundles of joy they know it is imminent:

The neighbours will gossip about how different their three children look.

The kids at school will suddenly notice how their eldest doesn't quite (or truly not much at all!) look like her siblings.

She'll be shunned.

Outcast!

Her parents start dreading the years ahead: the revelation, the tears, the hurt screams of "NO! You're not my REAL parents!"...

She's sure to run away, likely more than once... packing her things in her backpack, trying to following her little map to some mansion or castle or fantasy world, asking strangers "Do you know where my biological parents live?".

Then she'll get all gloomy... out will come the black makeup and darke poetry.

She'll start hanging out with the wrong crowd... that harmless monkey friend will be dropped like a hot potato, soon replaced by the kleptomaniacal fox.

Dora's life is ruined!

¡Su vida está arruinada!