Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #15

... Weekly Wednesday is one of the seven days you can say on television.

Weekly Link:

34 Extraordinary Uses for Lemons

Weekly Image:

Weekly Video:
It's been a long time since I've seen a trailer for a movie that makes me instantly want to watch it again. So much has been crammed into it without spoiling the movie. I must see this movie. Larger version can be viewed here

Weekly Memorization (Kiernan, not me):
22 of 26 letters of the alphabet, in the correct order!
Strangely enough, counting to twelve remains elusive, so we're attempting to sing it along with that pinball machine song from Sesame Street.

Weekly so sad:
I remember summer days 15 or so years back, sitting on a friend's back porch, crouched by a stereo turned down low, having to rewind the cassette every few minutes because we were laughing so hard to hear. I remember waiting at a bus stop with a friend (whose laugh was so loud and unique you could literally hear it from half the school away and go "Hey, there's Emily!") who almost peed her pants in hysterics as we shared my earphones. I remember hoping that my nephew would be born on the 18th of January so I could gain possession of the concert tickets my parents had received for christmas that year (he stuck it out one more day, which proves he was practicing to be a troublemaker while in utero, and my parents came back into town for the show). George Carlin, you will be remembered.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

"mo' beew!"

Kiernan loves online videos, so when they get gratingly on my nerves, I seek out new ones...

For a while, Kiernan has demanded "lalala? Bumbumbum?" to get the following:

Space is fun!

Now I have him asking for "again lubbly lubbly?"

Friday, June 20, 2008

channeling Columbo...

oh, one last thing...

147 people enter, one man leaves... and wins $215. (hint: It was me!)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #14

... best. Weekly Wednesday. Ever.

Best Weekly Link:
Coffee Drinkers Have Slightly Lower Death Rates
That damn photographer jumped out the kitchen window before the caffeine kicked in and I noticed him standing there.

Best Weekly Image:

Best Weekly Video:
Yay centre of gravity tricks!

Best Weekly Workplace:
T-minus two days until I will be the top of the knowledge chain in the software I learned only three months ago... Please do not worship the guru (but bring him muffins)!

Best Weekly WTF:
My initially planned WTF was "The flop was Q6A. I had Q4. You checked. I bet five times the big blind and you folded. But then you showed your hand, and it was A6?!" but then my WTF took a better turn.

You see, I don't spend my money on much these days other than online poker. I don't put that much in each month, but I can't seem to build a bankroll. So, after my latest Pokerstars account went bust, I decided to take advantage of an offer I'd heard about. Basically, through a referral system, you sign up to one of five or six poker sites, fulfill the site requirements, and you get two good books and three not-so-popular books from 2plus2 publishing. I researched, and found the easiest requirements were as follows:

1. Deposit $50.
2. Play one cash game.
3. Wait for the invite to choose your books.

After step 3, I could withdraw my cash and put it back into Pokerstars. So on Saturday, I signed up.

Of course, my attitude became "Hey, I'm getting $100 worth of books, I may as well play more than the single game." The site seemed full of European players, and it takes ages to find a game to play, but for some reason I started kicking their asses. I discovered the $5.50 tables paid $9 for second place and $21 for first, and soon I was actually up by half my initial deposit. Are Europeans not as into poker as North Americans?

Then it hit me - These people are in time zones 6-8 hours ahead. I'm catching the people who may be pulling all-nighters, grinding away at the tables.

Exhausted Poker Degenerates! I have an edge!

This evening the tables were pretty empty as usual, and after busting out in last place of a 6-seated sit'n'go, I glanced into the Tournament area and noticed a 5.50 buy-in game starting in 12 minutes. Only a few people had signed up, so I figured why not. By the time the game started, there were 96 people with the top ten positions getting paid out.

I actually made the final table.

I actually became the chip leader with $45,000 in chips. Second place had $21,000.

I actually made a mistake with 4 people left (hey, 4th place got $46, which was pretty good, so why not push all in) and ended up with $3000 in chips when someone called and won.

I actually doubled up. Twice. Soon I was chip leader again with $75K.

Then I won first place and took down $169.50.

Okay, no more poker talk... until next time I kick European ass.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Pay more for faulty technology!

Two years ago, a crackling static began emitting from the smoke detector wired into the ceiling of the upstairs hallway. According to Canadian law, you're supposed to have one smoke detector per level of your house. We had the one upstairs and one downstairs (still working, despite multiple layers of paint implying its age) so I took this opportunity to purchase two new alarms.

The first was installed in the kitchen, of the variety that does not get set off by normal cooking, sold at a reasonable price. The upstairs was a combination smoke and CO2 detector, of which the price gave us pause in the store.

"That's pretty expensive." my wife noted.
"Well, it's got both features, plus blah blah blah reading the box blah blah and I as you well know am ├╝ber paranoid, especially with a baby on the way." So we bought it.

Then, suddenly, three piercing chirps filled the air after a night of cooking spicy Indian food.

What's this yellow light mean? Why is it labeled SERVICE? I'll check First Alert's website.

This Means... You Should...
1. The device is not working properly, and needs to be replaced. 1. Units under warranty should be returned to manufacturer for replacement. See "Limited Warranty" in your user's manual for details.

Okay, so let me get this straight. Elsewhere on the site, you say alarms should be replaced every ten years, but now should my higher end alarm suddenly conk out a year out of warranty, your advice is "Give us more money"?

No thanks, I'll be buying a sensor without the yellow "random vindaloo malfunction" light.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Curse you American Cola!

So back in my college (learning and later teaching) days my (non-alcoholic) drink of choice was (parenthesised clarification) Cherry Coke. Then came the new Vanilla Cherry Coke, which I did not like. Conveniently and tastily, an alternative was provided in the form of Lime Coke. Of course, in all of Ottawa, the only place I could find Lime Coke was in the drink machines at the college - every other store scoffed at me, telling me it was only available in Diet form.

Fast forward to last month, when my mother crossed the border to the States and smuggled back my requested sweet, sweet ambrosia, she also brought back tales of at least a dozen flavours of Coke.

As she was going back under the fence a few weeks later, she asked if I wanted anything else. I requested "Go, and bring forth abundantly Coke if fruitful (of Cherry and Lime)" (Guaranisis, 9:17). They didn't seem to have lime so I got a case of Cherry and more liquid crimson yummy

As it turns out, Cherry Coke bottled in the States tastes nothing like Cherry Coke produced in Canada. It's kinda odd that artificial cherry flavour could be made to taste even less like cherries. It makes me wonder whether they've screwed up the simple act of stealing half of Sprite's syrup for their Lime Coke recipe...

Fun fact: When I worked for Transport Canada in the department which provided the emergency response line for chemical spills, some of the longest, most complex documents I got to process were the procedures to follow should a tanker leak syrup for use in soft drinks.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #13

... yeah, like I said... soon they'll all be Weekly Wednesdays. Lucky you!

Weekly Link:
I'd be remiss (read: glared menacingly at) if I didn't link this blog contest, of which I am ineligible to win:

Weekly Image:
25 of them, all pretty unbelievable -- Although what I find most unbelievable is that the photo credit was given to the same person, who happens to be just some dude who posts a lot of images of other people on a web 2.0 digg-type image rating site, and doesn't credit the actual photographer. I am definitely anti

Weekly Video:
Oooh, just like David Bowie in Labyrinth except that David Bowie had a stunt-contact-juggler... too bad the person posting the video didn't edit out the opening 45 seconds, dog-pee and all... it's amazing how a glass sphere can make mime cool.

Another Amazing Contact Juggler - Watch more free videos

Weekly Workplace:
I've barely been at my desk this week, which is great because that leaves more room for all sorts of ginormous tasks to pile up on it in preparation for my boss leaving on maternity leave next week...

Weekly Word:
Kiernan loves his shape book. It even has 3D shapes in the back, with examples of the shapes appearing in real life... I can only hope that in six months christmas ornaments are referred to as "Santa Spheres".

Weekly WTF:
Seriously, you went all in with a pair of fours and still beat my two-pair when you rivered a set? Augh.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #12

... whose bright idea was it to make Wednesdays weekly, anyhow...

Weekly Image:

Weekly Link:
I honestly have not read this article yet, purely for comedic effect:

Weekly Video:
Math + inappropriate puns =

Bo Burnham New Math - Watch more free videos

Weekly Workplace:
I just discovered an under-shelf lamp in my desk. Now I can turn off the super bright overhead lights and become a cave dweller!

Weekly Wired:
It's Tim Hortons Camp Day! Proceeds of coffee and tea bought today goes toward sending kids to camp, so work bought a couple dozen medium coffees/teas for us today. I'm a coffee drinker in a sea of tea sippers, so guess who's drinking the leftover coffee! Wheeee!

Weekly WTF:
Autsaving was not doing its job while posting this blog post.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

"... like the Adobe Suite... and Bejeweled... and backups of my YouTube haxx0ring vlog..."

A man sits in a car, his attache case open - but no, it's not an attache case, but a laptop! And not just any laptop - "more sophisticated technology than the average hacker with a few thousand dollars and the address of the nearest Computer City could buy" -- we're talking password AND fingerprint recognition, folks! AND it can access the Internet through a mobile phone no larger than a deck of cards!

Days later, an attractive (is there any other kind?) female hacker hunches over her desktop computer (with a MasterPiece Surge Protector between the PC and the monitor, no less!) tapping her way into the "dee-oh-dee" databases. Oh, did I mention she's in the middle of the Mojave Desert under a tarp? Yeah, she is. Her companion, who was until recently unconscious, glances at her setup and asks "How many megabytes?"

"Not mega. Giga. Ten gigabytes."

"You need all that space?"

"Some of the programs I use are pretty damn complex. They fill up a lot of space."

Oh, how I love finding technical jargon in books written in the 90s...

side note: has Dean Koontz written any books that didn't have a dog as a primary or secondary character?