Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #20

... Weekly Wednesdays - now on Wednesdays...

Weekly Image:
Awkward, indeed...


Weekly Video:
Another movie trailer, one which makes me cry happy tears at how awesome (and accurate to the source material) it looks, yet also makes me cry sad tears because I hope they don't screw up the plot too much. Terry Gilliam once said Watchmen couldn't work as a movie unless it was 3 and a half hours long. Or a 12 part TV miniseries. How they will put this all into what is likely going to be only 2.5 hours I know not.


Weekly Search Engine:
Google, because Cuil is crap.

Weekly WTF:
Seriously, when the front page of a search on "(slightly) less cynical" turns up Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan fiction ("Rated NC-17 for language, adult themes, and much heavy breathing between the Slayer and her undead paramour.") then your search engine is shit.

Monday, July 28, 2008

I can't even give them weird amounts anymore to mess with them....

I saw something at the McDonald's drive-through window that disturbed me.

Searching on Google, I couldn't find any reference to it, but it led me to this...

Do you know why McDonald's employees can't calculate change in their heads? It probably doesn't help that when I handed the guy at the first window my money, he typed in the amount I gave him, then extended his arm up to a metal tube which poured out the correct change into his hand.

What? WHAT? My wife suggested it saved money due to idiots who can't calculate change properly, but maybe if they had the opportunity to practice their basic addition and subtraction they'd be able to move on to greater things... other than McDonald's management, anyway.

Lovely.

Strep throat is contagious you say? Through breathing, coughing or sneezing? Well at least it's only through those three. What's that? Saliva exchange from a sick baby who has been extra cuddly and demanding of extra drooly kisses the past two days counts as well?

Oh.

Crap.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Weekly Wednesaturday #19

Weekly Link/Image:
Her: "You don't use an RSS feed?"
Me: "No, I just remember the links I regularly visit."
Her: " What if you forget one?"
Me: "Then I remember a few days later and go 'Yay, more to read!'"
... or in this case, on Saturday I realized I forgot about Wonderella for ten months and had fun catching up...

Weekly Workout:
Chasing a 22-month-old through the tunnels, ladders and slides of Cosmic Adventures.

Weekly Injuries:
Skinned knees and elbows due to too-fast slides while chasing a 22-month old through the tunnels, ladders and slides of Cosmic Adventures.

Weekly Workplace:
None. Vacation time!

Weekly Whoops:
Trying to post a Weekly Wednesday while trying to get ready for vacation, then having the draft autosave feature of Blogger fail and then going "Okay, I'll retype it when we're in Montreal" but not realizing the kid would be sleeping in the computer room while there. Soooooo yah.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

When Your Boy Reaches Puberty

The following excerpts are from Chapter 2 of The Manual of Hygiene - Father and Son by M.A. Horn.

When Your Boy Reaches Puberty

During this period there will be marked physical changes also, changes in the body are taking place that eventually make the boy a man. Hair will begin to grow upon his face and you'll likely find your razor tampered with.

(I would SO hate to have been the father of a 13-year old MacGyver.)

Teach him the value of continence - which is the abstaining from sexual relationships until after he is married - ask him to take an interest in sports and outdoor activities which will help him to work off his energy and take his mind off his body.

(Because there's nothing on the football field that will affect a pubescent boy at all... and jocks are so virtuous and chaste they're practically clich├ęs)

Too often the professional prostitute is the answer to a young boy's sex problem and since there are always plenty of them about to prey upon these adolescent youths, you must impress upon him the dangers to his mental health which may result from physical contact with women of the streets.

(Again with the prostitutes? Does anyone get the feeling Mr. Horn has a thing against these ladies? And was the weekly allowance given to boys in the 40s so great that they ran out to the nearest street corner, which was always practically overflowing the curb with a wide array of women forcing their wares upon passersby?)

In warning him of the professional prostitute, do not overlook the dangers presented by the "amateur",- the girl in his own set who is free with her body. Such a girl is more likely to have given herself to other boys and herein lies one of the greatest sources of venereal infection.

(Okay, I know it was a whole chapter ago (three pages, really), but we really don't want you to focus so much on the the professionals that you forget about those filthy, filthy teenage girls... Oh, and speaking of whor- I mean, whom...)

Girls, too, act differently when adolescence approaches. Most of them begin to crave admiration and also develop a desire to dominate the men of the family and of their personal acquaintance. She will become very vain and the greatest portion of her thoughts will be concerned with love and with things romantic. She will become extremely sensitive about how she looks - her skin, her hair, her clothes. There is a grave danger that she will fall in love with the first man she meets who shows her the slightest attention - often it will be an older person, a school professor perhaps, or an actor, or even the man next door.

(If you live next door to a drama teacher pack up and move immediately!)

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Lesson for today: Don't bite the nipple on the bottle or you'll get soaked in formula.

It is an odd day indeed when I'm on my third change of clothes while Kiernan is only on his second.

Verbatim

"What's daddy doin'?"
"I'm driving onto the highway!"
"Ya!" a pause, thinking. "Go see cows!"
"Um, no, not today. We'll see lots of cars and trucks though."
"NO! See cows and sheep now."
"No... uh... look, that's a big truck!"
"YA!" A pause. "I see a sheep!"
"Really? Where?"
"O'erdere."
"Wow. What colour was it?"
"BLUE sheep."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"BLUE sheep and COW!"
"You see a cow too?"
"Ya. Cow jumped over da moon."
"There will not be a lack of interesting conversation while mommy is gone."
"YA!"

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #18

... the luckiest Weekly Wednesday of them all!

Weekly Link:
Hey, it's cool that this is happening right in my backyard! (note: not literally -- if so I'd expect them to mow the lawn... and the garden...)

Weekly Image:
Speaking of gardens, Design Toscano has the perfect garden ornament to suit my taste:


Weekly food used as a treat to convince Kiernan to eat:
Soggy (and I mean soggy) wholegrain nacho chips. Mm-mm good!

Weekly Meme:

The flickr mosaic thing I keep seeing but have never found the link to until today! (seen at Splunkerdink)

1. What is your first name? Eric
2. What is your favorite food? Hamachi Sushi
3. What high school did you go to? Woodroffe
4. What is your favorite color? Olive Green
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Thora Birch
6. Favorite drink? Code Red
7. Dream vacation? Machu Picchu
8. Favorite dessert? Apple Dumplings
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? Poker Chip Riffler (this one didn't work so I searched "chip tricks")
10. What do you love most in life? My family
11. One Word to describe you. Floccipaucinihilipilificated (didn't work - trying "long word")
12. Your flickr name: Nonexistant

References:
1. Eric Draws, 2. yellowtail beauty, 3. flying cows, 4. Lime, chocolate and olive Vodka., 5. ANSWERING MACHINE, 6. code red, 7. Machu Picchu, Peru, 8. Baked apple dumplings, 9. Chip Tricks, 10. Eyes of the hunter, 11. road sign. kelso, ca. 1999., 12. Lovely Lucky

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Your Boy And His Sex Problems

Back before I was born, my great-grandfather bequeathed a special gift upon my parents: Two books in The Manual of Hygiene series: Father and Son, and Mother and Daughter, edited by M.A. Horn. Single parents of the opposite gender to their children are S.O.L.

These books, published in 1948 by Canadian Hygienic Productions Limited offer material which is "prepared from Information Compiled by Eminent Medical and Hygiene Authorities of Three Continents." Not much has changed in the last 60 years, as you will soon see (except maybe standards in capitalization).

And now, a few paragraphs excerpted from chapter 1 of The Manual of Hygiene: Father and Son. I hope you all learn something today.


Your Boy And His Sex Problems

No matter how carefully you may think you are guarding your son against knowledge of sex, he will become sex conscious at a very early age. Even the constant vigilance of parents will not keep older children from discussing sex matters with him. You can, however, do a great deal to see that he obtains the proper knowledge about it, not the ordinary, back-fence variety, filled with misinformation and bound to result in misconception of this very important life force.

(Really, though, I want to hear more about the back-fence variety - how high is the fence? Are both parties on the fence at the same time? If the fence is especially narrow how do you keep your balance?)

The wisest procedure, when a child is found playing with his genitals is to ignore it at first, thus eliminating from the mind the idea that there is anything "different" about these organs. If the practice becomes too persistent, however, his attentions may be diverted with toys. When he becomes old enough to understand he should be warned not to do it and given the reason that if he persists in doing it, the organs may become sore and irritated.

(Were there splinters on the fence? Oh wait, we've left fence territory with this one... what would a be a suitable toy to offer? A Wii?)

Don't mince words when you tell him about the dangers of prostitutes. Make him see that there is not only danger to his morals but danger to his physical well being as well in indulging in the sexual act not only with professional prostitutes but with girls in his own social set. The professional prostitute usually knows how to take care of herself, for she must remain free of disease if she expects to stay in business, but the young girl, ignorant, and usually in her teens, who gives her body to any boy who asks for it presents a real danger. She knows nothing about prophylaxis and keeping her body free of disease and it is she who is often the greatest offender in the spreading of venereal disease.

(Okay, prostitutes are dangerous, but teenage girls are even worse. Duly noted.)

---

Bonus: I can not do justice to the typefaces and punctuation of the advertisement following this chapter...

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

Noise laws should start at 7:30pm.

Me, two years ago, shortly after dusk:

"Hey, someone seems to be setting off fireworks in the neighbourhood! I wonder if we can see anything from here!"

Me, these days, shortly after dusk:

"Kiernan finally gets to sleep and some assclown is setting off fireworks?! Don't they know this is a family neighbourhood? What holiday is it anyway, national make babies cry day?"

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #17

... apparently now on Thursdays...

Weekly Images:
I wonder what people in these towns do to spice up their lives, y'know, to make themselves feel like they're living on the edge...

Weekly Link:
How many cannibals could your body feed?
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Weekly Art:
If you like comics, and you like zombies (cue Kiernan: "AUUUH!"), the Walking Dead series is a must-read. Robert Kirkman is an amazing writer who knows how to go "Hey, what would readers least expect next?" and then suddenly out jumps another zombie which kills off a main character. So needless to say, after 8 trade paperbacks I wasn't expecting to be shocked if anyone died in my newly-arrived book 9. Now that I'm finished reading, I feel zombie-like myself with shock. Excellent read, too bad the next trade paperback won't be out for a while.

Weekly Workplace:
So suddenly I'm not able to import reports into Excel, with a big review meeting in two days. The Excel plugin, which usually pops up with a list of reports, freezes Excel completely, requiring multiple End-tasks. So I call the system support and while I'm on the phone with them I notice that if I'm logging in as anyone but the role of Administrator the list pops up fine. They're confused as to why this could be, because the software isn't dependent on roles for this sort of thing. So they say to leave it with them. Sneaky me decides to grant permission to the two reports I need to pull to a different role, but suddenly only the simplest reports can be pulled. The backup server pulls reports just fine, but it's 12 hours behind and doesn't contain the up-to-date data I need. Needless to say, my Weekly Wednesday was spent MANUALLY creating these reports in Excel, and thus did not have time to surf the net for pretty pictures and links. But now I'm the hero of the day... AGAIN... Let's hope they remember this in January when the budget comes up and they decide whether they can keep me on. ;)

Monday, July 7, 2008

VideoSongs

Two videos:

One for Kiernan:


and one for everyone else:
"A VideoSong is a new Medium with two rules:

1. What you see is what you hear (no lip-syncing for instruments or voice).
2. If you hear it, at some point you see it (no hidden sounds)."

Friday, July 4, 2008

Weekly Workplace?

Two emails from coworkers in one day:

"Thanks, Eric! You’re the best."

"Thanks Eric, you are wonderful!!!"

That's right, folks. Despite the recent increase of cast- I mean staff members, I am still McDreamy.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Weekly Wednesday #16

... delayed by one Weekly Day due to Canada Day... just like garbage pickup!


Weekly Link:
This would piss off soooo many people if we had it in our bedroom.

Weekly Image:




Weekly Business Tip:
Dear Loblaws Grocery Store; If your kiwis are so out of season that they taste like old eggs, don't include them in your fruit flan.

Weekly Note to Self:
You don't like it in the first place, so don't eat fruit flan just to be polite.

Weekly WTF:
Don't you hate it when you start a book and don't realize it's the conclusion to an entire series and when things start wrapping up you're like "Um. Why did they just kill that person off? ... uh... why is the title of this chapter 'Sixty Years From Now'? Wait, wait now, that's IT?!"

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Toys have come a long way since the Viewmaster I guess...

"Augh!" I hear as I'm coming down the stairs.

"Aaah!" as I turn the corner and see Lara with a toy pressed to her face, super-bright light leaking from around the edge of the lens against her face.

She pulls it away with a third exasperated grimace. "This thing is awful!"

I take the toy, bring it close to my face, then stop, reading the label...

"Movie Theater... Projector?" I say as I turn it to the wall and the picture springs into view...