Couldn't have flown any lower...

Today was a potluck lunch at work.

I brought a big bowl of dinner rolls.

As I exited my office, joining the RAs also heading up, one of them looked at the bowl and said "Hey, Nice buns!"

Who am I to pass up such a chance as this, so I said "Thanks! I get that a lot."

Absolutely no reaction from any of them.

Treats in the kitchen!

My workplace tends to have a plateful of treats, a bowlful of popcorn, or fresh baked brie (What, doesn't everyone's office have an oven in the kitchen?) in the kitchen at least once or twice a week. Today we have all three of the above-listed at once. I'm wandering up every so often to help the reduce the temptation for the ladies complaining about holiday dieting.

Yup, still having twins.

So Lara woke up this morning, came downstairs all groggy, and I said "So, should I meet you at the ultrasound today or at my mom's?"... she didn't fall for the attempt at "Yesterday was only a dream". She also didn't kill me, so that's a plus.

My coworker commented "Twins are just like having one baby, they just eat more!"

She's recently married.

With no kids.

Before I could blink, two women were out in the halls, a mother of two and a mother of four, screaming "Did I just hear you say...?"

Weekly Workplace?

Two emails from coworkers in one day:

"Thanks, Eric! You’re the best."

"Thanks Eric, you are wonderful!!!"

That's right, folks. Despite the recent increase of cast- I mean staff members, I am still McDreamy.

Take THIS, Kiwi Butterfly!

kthxbye

I've never, written in emails or IMs, used the phrase "kthxbye". In fact, I'm not fond of any sort of lazy typographical shortenings of words.

I just realized after hanging up the phone that I left a voicemail to a coworker ending "kaythanksbye".

Where the hell did that come from?

Dr. McDrama to O.R.2, STAT!

Working in a hospital (or a wing attached to a hospital, whatever) reminds me daily that it's exactly like working episodes of Grey's Anatomy.

I can't walk down the hallways without seeing attractive doctors in dramatic exchanges about life and death and love (with everyone sitting in the waiting room nearby not seeming to notice this is going on, of course, despite the high volume level of the speeches). Today there was repeated announcements over the PA of a Code Red (fire) in an O.R., and how the elevators should be avoided. I couldn't help thinking that there were two interns someone was ironically quipping that the fire was in the elevator they were currently having an illicit makeout session in.

I haven't heard anyone being called McDreamy or McSteamy (or Burke, surprisingly enough), but since I'm in the 5% minority of males in my workplace, that just means chances are high that it's me.

Why else would the ladies stop talking when I walk in the lunch room? I mean, other than the fact that yesterday the words uttered as I opened the door were "bikini line electrolysis"...

Probabilities

I have the tendency to leave keys behind when I lock doors, which is why it is important that my home can only be locked from the outside using the key. Not so for my office door - the day after getting my keys from security I managed to lock myself out of my office. I was informed that it was a rite of passage as I was handed a duplicate key by the receptionist. A coworker pointed out that she kept her keys on her lanyard with her ID, which I thought was a great idea.



Of course, having your keys a foot below your chin is kind of annoying when you need to unlock your door and you're too lazy to remove the lanyard from around your neck. Soon I began to feel a bit silly kowtowing to my doorknob several times a day.

Now, when I worked as a co-op student in the government, our IDs were on round belt clips which extended like a spring-action yoyo. I still had the belt clip, so I clipped my ID to the extending clip, and attached that to the lanyard.

Here's where I get into the probabilities of things. It's been a while since I tutored grade 9 mathematics, but here's how I calculated it:

The flat belt clip hangs in the loop of the lanyard, with only a small hole for it to enter and exit. The belt clip can exit straight out of the small hole only from certain angles. I estimate it to be a range of about 20 degrees, able to exit only from one direction.


In addition to this, there's about a 30 degree range at which the clip can be pulled through the hole with the ring rotating around the clip.


So that's a one in eighteen chance of the clip being able to exit at a single degree of rotation, and that rotation has a one in twelve chance of being lined up as well. To have both of these angles line up exactly aimed out the small gap, there's a one in two hundred sixteen (1:216) chance that the clip will be able to escape from its circular prison.

So why is it that when I'm wearing the lanyard while walking into the office, or sitting down at my chair, or leaning forward ever so slightly, or standing perfectly still while a butterfly flaps its wings in Auckland, that my keys and ID will crash to the floor, two or three times a day? My probability calculations don't even include the chances that my body will move in such a way that the clip will, once lined up, be propelled through the tiny little hole in the loop.

It's obviously a similar to the law of chaos which oversees how earphone cables tangle into knots when left alone on a flat surface.

A taste of my cruel humour

So apparently I was paid for the February statutory holiday when, as a term employee in my new job, I was not supposed to be.

The question came up in an email from the Admin Coordinator asking if my letter of offer mentioned whether I was supposed to be paid. I let her know that my letter mentions getting 6% in lieu of paid holidays.

She responds soon: "I have to submit a correction to payroll for this day. I hope this is okay with you."

My reply: "That’s fine; my son will just have to eat table scraps for a while."

Half of me hopes I didn't make her feel guilty. The other half wants me to mention how "It's okay - you should hear how cute he sounds calling for 'Water! Bread! Water!'"