Open Letter to Apple

Dear Apple,

Your iPod Touch is so simple, even a child could use it.

My 3-year old, who has not yet learned to read, can hit the power button, slide his finger across the screen, intuitively dragging the arrow button and unlocking the device.

He can then flick left to right through pages of my apps. He can then push and hold his finger on the screen just a little too long, causing all the icons to vibrate, which then allows him to drag them this way and that, rearranging them as he pleases in his attempts to click into a game.

His little fingers are the perfect size to hit the Xs which appear on each icon in this mode, and then apparently to tap to agree to the deletion of the app selected.

The row of five stars then shown to him was not especially interesting to him, as he only gave 2 stars to Doodle Jump, a game which I only recently realized was missing.

Repetition

Last night at dinner, Kiernan was asking for translations of words into French. Then he suddenly switched from single words to the following phrase:

"How do you say 'I'm all done my potatoes'?"
"Je suis finis mes patates" I replied.
"Shuh fees patates?"
"Je suis finis mes patates"
"Je shee fee patates!"
"Je suis finis mes patates" I said slowly.
"Shuh shees feemay patates Mommy!" he called into the other room.
After about two more attempts I gave up trying to push the enunciation.

Later in the car, he calls from the back "Why did she just say 'take advantage of our low sale prices', daddy?"
"Okay, how come you can repeat something you hear on the radio - with three-syllable words in it no less - instantly after hearing it, but not a French sentence repeated to you 17 times?" As I asked this I noticed the next radio commercial beginning and switched the station before the subject of the ad was repeated for the fourth time in a row.

Kiernan, of course, immediately asked "Sex-a-palooza?"
"What's that, I didn't hear you?" I feigned ignorance.
"What's Sappapalooza?"
"Say again?"
"Sappa loooza!"
"Oh! I don't know what that is."

17th month of pregnancy according to my blog...

Since my wife changed her blog header to include the twins, I suppose have no excuses anymore...

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That's a good question!

Before the holidays, there was a led-encrusted wreath hanging on a garage in the neighbourhood. It was hung from two smaller similarly-decorated wreaths, forming a V. Kiernan's reaction when seeing it: "Daddy daddy look! Mickey Mouse Christmas lights!"

Fast-forward to the other night, driving him home from daycare.

"Daddy, where is the Mickey Mouse lights?"
"I'm not sure, ev-"
"NO DADDY! You have to say 'That's a good question!'"
"Um. Why?"
"DADDY! You have to say it!"
"That's a good question!"
A pause.
"You have to say it now daddy."
"I did!"
"NO! You have to say where the Mickey Mouse lights are!"
"Oh. Everyone's taking their lights down because it's after christmas!"
"But why?"
"You only need christmas lights up for christmas, and now that it's over, you don't need them."
"NO! You need to say 'That's a good question!'"
"That's a good question. Christmas is over. No more lights."
"Okay."

The drive continued for almost a minute as I waited for the inevitable, preparing the proper response...

"Daddy?"
"Yes, Kiernan."
"NO DADDYYYYY! Say 'That's a good question!'"
"Dude. That isn't even a question." I said patiently, "That's a demand for my attention. And if this sort of request continues, I can tell it's going to get old REAL quick."
"Why?"
(deep breath) "That's a good question."

Leo

This is Leo.
Leo is a wall decal bought last spring, but didn't make it up onto Kiernan's wall until a two-parent, three-hour session in September. Kiernan has a love of monsters, but on the rare occasion that scary monsters are involved, I tell a story about how monsters are afraid to come into the room because Leo swings down and repeatedly kicks them until they jump out the window. It doesn't matter that Leo is barefoot, he kicks that much monster ass.

Lately, the stalling techniques at bedtime are getting more desperate. Kiernan called me back into his room approximately zero seconds after I closed the door.

"Daddy, I just had a dream."
"I doubt that highly - you haven't even fallen asleep."
"I had a bad dream. Um.... about monsters."
"Ah, well, you know very well that monsters are afraid to come into your room because they don't want to get kicked in the head by Leo."
"Oh. Right."
"Goodnight, Kiernan."
"But Daddy!"
*sigh* "Yes, Kiernan?"
"Um.... Leo's just a sticker."

In his tiny light-up shoes...

Kiernan discovered that turning on the Playstation starts playing the WALL-E DVD within, but doesn't know what to do if the video mode of the TV is not on the right input. This of course means I keep finding the system on, whirring away after who knows how long.

WALL-E went missing last week. We still couldn't find it after tearing the basement apart packing boxes for the big move.

Tonight I thought to myself, "If I was Kiernan, and the WALL-E DVD wasn't playing, even after ejecting it and reloading, powering off and on, and perhaps even covering the disc with fingerprints, what would the next logical step for a three year old be?"

Sure enough, I found the WALL-E DVD slid all the way into the VCR.