(slightly) more bathroom stories

"What's that box daddy?"

The metal box in question was attached to the bathroom stall wall.

"I'm not sure." I lifted the angled lid and saw it was empty, but had a slot at the bottom. Instructions were printed on the underside of the lid on how to load the box... with maxi pads.

"What are the instructions for?"

"I don't know, it doesn't say..." I lied.

"Maybe the box is for holding books." Kiernan decided.

"Probably!" I agreed as we flushed, exited, and double-checked that there were in fact urinals in the bathroom.

Like a soap dispenser?

I can't imagine what it is like to overhear some of the conversations coming out of the stalls in public washrooms which contain Kiernan and myself.

"I peed."
"Okay, so you're done?"
"No, I need to poo."
"Okay. Go ahead."
I cringe as the over-dramatic grunting sounds begin. Luckily, these don't last long for once.
"It's not working."
"So you're done."
"No, I still need to poo."
"Okay, try some more."
"Help me daddy!"
"Uh, help you how?"
"Push down on my head!"
"Um. Who told you that pushing down on your head helps you go to the bathroom?"
"I told myself."
"I don't think that actually helps."
"Yes it DOES."
"Okay okay." I acquiesce.

What do you know, it apparently does help.

Touch the Interactivity! FEEL it!

Museums these days have a ton of interactivity - knobs to turn, touchscreens to touch, doors to open, costumes to try on, fish to measure, shells to fondle - children often get bored if they're not forced to do something other than stare at exhibits.

We now have a family pass to the newly-renovated Canadian Museum of Nature, also known to Kiernan alternately as "The Dinosaur Museum" or the "Castle Museum". Kiernan got to go there three times in the span of a week, two of those times with me. The second time we went, Kiernan dragged me over to a display in the Mammal Gallery, talking about how humans are mammals too.

Four doors sat closed on an inclined display, the first of which Kiernan flipped up, revealing a small cupboard containing a mass of hair. "Feel this daddy!" he said, so I did as I read the explanation to him how humans have hair and that's like the fur and hair of animals.

The far right panel had a picture of teeth on it, and I wondered what sort of display was beneath - actual teeth? But sadly it was just a mirror, and I explained "You're supposed to smile to show your teeth in the mirror because mammals have teeth." We both grinned at our reflections.

The door second from the left was Kiernan's next choice - A heat-sensing pad that changed colours when you touched it showed that humans are warm blooded. "Touch this daddy!" Kiernan demanded, and I did, though it wasn't as impressive as Hypercolour shirts were in the 90s.

The final panel, second from the right, read "Human babies breast feed when young". I thought "Okay, what's going to be under this panel?" until Kiernan flipped it up and I said "Ah, of course."

There lay a single felt breast nestled in its cubby beneath the door. "Look daddy! Touch this daddy!" Kiernan began poking at the boob.

"Yeah, that's okay, you feel it."

"DADDY. You have to touch it!" he demanded, getting louder.

"Okay okay okay." I prodded the breast.

"Touch it here!" he pinched at the bulbous areola sewn in the middle.

"Let's go around to the other side and see how hot you are on the the heat sensing camera"

"TOUCH IT DADDY!"

I reached out and quickly gave it quick pinch. "Yup, that's great, Kier."

"Does it feel cool?"

"For sure." I agreed, because these days tweaking muppet nipples is the epitome of cool.

Blogher: The aftermath

Tears, temper tantrums, and wailing was expected.

Lara surprisingly didn't do any of the three.

I drove over to Lara's parents, where she was driven to from the airport. She had situated herself in a back room so I could bring one twin in at a time. Juliette fell asleep on the way, and Quinn was happily chatting in his car seat, so when I was told to bring in the crankier twin I defaulted to Juliette.

When Lara returns to a room after being away four minutes, it's mass chaos, with screaming babies fighting for her attention. Four days away and she just got a huge grin and a cuddle. When Quinn was brought in soon after, he only seemed interested in giant hugs instead of nursing.

Kiernan was overtired and excited, a fabulous combination for misbehavior, but everyone managed to make it through dinner and home with all the swag (that she didn't need to leave behind in the hotel room).

Apparently next year Blogher is in San Diego, I can't wait... to leave the kids behind and tag along...

4:57pm: one more hour

scratch that, all they need is tantrums.

3:30pm: 2.5 hours to go!

The babies have obviously decided they don't need this whole "nursing" thing - an excellent substitute is big hugs for daddy.

2:20pm: Aren't you supposed to cry?

I opened the door to check on Juliette, and she was calmly standing there with a "What?" look on her face. Quinn is still a crankmonster.

2:00: 4 hours until happytime

Grumpiest boy ever is now awake... I'll have to check on the girl once he calms down... long nap for her..

12:38pm

My cellphone announced a text message... in the 5 minutes time it took to find the text, see that Lara was online and discuss her arrival tonight, Quinn passed out in his high chair covered in fruit bar.

11:40am

Both babies were tired by 11, despite having napped 5-20 minutes in the stroller on a walk (shocker!). Quinn was dumped in the exersaucer while Juliette was put down. It took 20 minutes, but she went down with minimal (ie a few minutes of screaming) fuss.

Quinn on the other hand, is horribly tired but refusing to go down, wailing upstairs as I take a break... fun fun fun...

6:20am

I ended up dumping Juliette into her crib to cry it out after an hour and a half to vry it out, but luckily (for me) Quinn slept through it all... you know they are both going to be up every hour on the hour tonight to make sure mommy's really home...

2:15am

If I hadn't started coughing...

If I hadn't gone downstairs for Buckley's...

If I hadn't stepped on a squeaky toy..

then maybe I wouldn't have a tantrum-ridden Juliette on my hands.

Good thing I've slept a lot in the past few days...

7:15am - Wrong side of the bed

Despite sleeping through the night, Juliette was in temper-tantrum mode , throwing herself around, tossing offered crackers, until finally banana and pancakes distracted her and she's calm.

I had weird waking dreams in which my brain said I couldn't go to sleep until I guided Lara through New York telepathically by removing giant glowing pillars which were floating in my mind. Luckily when there was only one giant white column left, I managed to convince myself she found her way and I could sleep.

8:30pm, divide and conquer!

Quinn is staying with Grammy and Grampa overnight, and Juliette is home with me. Let's see if Quinn sleeps through the night just to be difficult.

Off to bed, woo party animal.

5:05pm: Productive day!

At 10am I packed the babies into the car and drove back to my parents' house. Upon arrival, I passed them to my mother then went upstairs to pass out for 3 hours.

I woke up, played with Juliette a bit while Quinn went down for a nap, ate lunch, then decided to drive back home for a few hours to take care of a few of the easier things on my to-do list.

These few things turned out to be: stop at the store to buy more non-drowsy cold medication and gingerale, then head home to pass out in a sitting position on the couch, stumble upstairs to fall into bed for 30 minutes, wake up to go to the bathroom as I discovered I had a variant of whatever Kiernan had yesterday morning, fall back into bed, then listen to the annoying alarm buzzer for about 25 minutes because it was too far away to go turn off.

Now back to my parents' I go!

7:45am - better than the usual 2 hours earlier...

Both babies were unhappy to see me, despite releasing them from the horrible prisons that are their cribs, but bananas and waffles, plus plenty of water and milk through a straw, have made them a bit better.

I however feel like crap. Bad timing, summer cold.

Juliette cried it out until at least 4:20 - either that or I finally fell asleep.

3:56am

The cryibg slowed, faded, and I think I got at least 2 more minutes of sleep before the constant shrieking began.

TV is distracting her, but she won't be put down.

3:40am

back... Quinn transferred, Juliette did not. Waiting to see if she falls asleep, but may have to go to her before her screams wake Quinn.

2:30am

Quinn lay in my arms attempting to kick my chin, so down into the crib he went to cry it out.

This woke Juliette, who drank water and lay staring at me and listening to Quinn.

He's not going to sleep.


Let's go for a drive.

1:55am

Finally accepted water from me... only from a straw... attempting to bring him upstairs...

12:48am: yay

The sore throat I've had all day has turned into a head cold, and the peacefully sleeping boy-twin has turned into a screaming banshee who cannot be satisfied by water, rocking or singing.

TV is working.

8:19pm: The calm before the storm

The babies played well at grammies, and Juliette only managed to give Quinn one bloody fat lip. This was after I'd arrived and had dinner - the new fun game is crawling over daddy as he lies on the floor, and Juliette took it one step further, crawling over Quinn who was crawling over daddy, forcing him off and into a faceplant. Ice cubes were very tasty according to Quinn.

Kept them up way past their bedtime before heading home, causing them to fall into slumber as planned. The transferred with no fuss (and no weaning) and are currently still asleep in their cribs.

Next post: The chaotic storm of screaming babies...(?)

11:09am

Kiernan, feeling somewhat better, has been packed away to Gramma and Grandpapa's for three days.

The babies are with my parents until tonight.

What, you thought it was going to be crazy baby liveblogging all day? So sorry, I've got stuff to do. :)

Don't worry, the nighttime adventures may hold more drama...

8:20am: At least the babies are happy

Fishy crackers look like cheez whiz when they come back up.

A new reason to add to the list of why I don't like eating cheez whiz.

7:40am: Here we go

Despite being sick for the past two days and barely eating anything, Kiernan announced he needed to go to the bathroom five times in a half hour period. After three bites of oatmeal he declared he was full and lay down on a pillow on the floor.

It was obvious what was coming, so I wasn't too shocked when the three bites back back up all over the floor.

6:45am: I suppose technically this is sleeping in.

I saw Lara to the door at 4am, after Quinn decided to wake up. He nursed, so perhaps this meant he would sleep in?

Kiernan, who even at 3 takes after his mother in the "let me sleep one more more minute" department, wandered into our room to announce it was time to get up at quarter to seven.

... woo...

In 12 hours, Lara will be boarding a plane to New York to attend Blogher.

At least at that time I will be awakened by one or more yelling babies. I will stumble downstairs to make coffee, turn on the computer, and begin...

The left-alone-for-three-days-with-unweaned-babies liveblog!

yayyyy...