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That's a good question!

Before the holidays, there was a led-encrusted wreath hanging on a garage in the neighbourhood. It was hung from two smaller similarly-decorated wreaths, forming a V. Kiernan's reaction when seeing it: "Daddy daddy look! Mickey Mouse Christmas lights!"

Fast-forward to the other night, driving him home from daycare.

"Daddy, where is the Mickey Mouse lights?"
"I'm not sure, ev-"
"NO DADDY! You have to say 'That's a good question!'"
"Um. Why?"
"DADDY! You have to say it!"
"That's a good question!"
A pause.
"You have to say it now daddy."
"I did!"
"NO! You have to say where the Mickey Mouse lights are!"
"Oh. Everyone's taking their lights down because it's after christmas!"
"But why?"
"You only need christmas lights up for christmas, and now that it's over, you don't need them."
"NO! You need to say 'That's a good question!'"
"That's a good question. Christmas is over. No more lights."
"Okay."

The drive continued for almost a minute as I waited for the inevitable, preparing the proper response...

"Daddy?"
"Yes, Kiernan."
"NO DADDYYYYY! Say 'That's a good question!'"
"Dude. That isn't even a question." I said patiently, "That's a demand for my attention. And if this sort of request continues, I can tell it's going to get old REAL quick."
"Why?"
(deep breath) "That's a good question."

Leo

This is Leo.
Leo is a wall decal bought last spring, but didn't make it up onto Kiernan's wall until a two-parent, three-hour session in September. Kiernan has a love of monsters, but on the rare occasion that scary monsters are involved, I tell a story about how monsters are afraid to come into the room because Leo swings down and repeatedly kicks them until they jump out the window. It doesn't matter that Leo is barefoot, he kicks that much monster ass.

Lately, the stalling techniques at bedtime are getting more desperate. Kiernan called me back into his room approximately zero seconds after I closed the door.

"Daddy, I just had a dream."
"I doubt that highly - you haven't even fallen asleep."
"I had a bad dream. Um.... about monsters."
"Ah, well, you know very well that monsters are afraid to come into your room because they don't want to get kicked in the head by Leo."
"Oh. Right."
"Goodnight, Kiernan."
"But Daddy!"
*sigh* "Yes, Kiernan?"
"Um.... Leo's just a sticker."

In his tiny light-up shoes...

Kiernan discovered that turning on the Playstation starts playing the WALL-E DVD within, but doesn't know what to do if the video mode of the TV is not on the right input. This of course means I keep finding the system on, whirring away after who knows how long.

WALL-E went missing last week. We still couldn't find it after tearing the basement apart packing boxes for the big move.

Tonight I thought to myself, "If I was Kiernan, and the WALL-E DVD wasn't playing, even after ejecting it and reloading, powering off and on, and perhaps even covering the disc with fingerprints, what would the next logical step for a three year old be?"

Sure enough, I found the WALL-E DVD slid all the way into the VCR.

Good thing he's not self-conscious.

At a recent birthday party, Kiernan announced "I meedta do to the bathroom!" Upon discovering the powder room was occupied, we decided to wait. Then another kid announced they had to go. We were told by the parents of the birthday boy to feel free to go to the upstairs washroom.

"I'll show you where it is!" declared the birthday boy's older sister.

"That's okay, I know where-" I trailed off as the four year old was already halfway up the stairs.

"Um, thank you!" I said as we walked into the room.

"This is my toothbrush. I need to brush my teeth because I got cavities." She didn't budge from her position by the sink.

"I need to peeeee!" Kiernan insisted, so onto the toilet he went.

"Brushing your teeth is important for sure!" I said as Kiernan seemed to finish up. "All done Kier?" I asked.

"No I need to poo." he began grunting, because obviously vocalization helps the sphincter along.

"Sometimes I have trouble pooing too" the girl announced.

"Uh-huh." I replied.

"I'm all done!" Kiernan stood up while I grabbed some toilet paper.

"Why is his winky -- my mommy calls my brother's penis his winky -- um, why is his winky red?"

I saw no redness. I was confused. Lara pointed out later that being half-Filipino, perhaps the birthday boy's darker skin wasn't as pink, relatively speaking. At the time, I was at a loss for words. Kiernan was oblivious.

"Want to see my room?"

"That is a fantastic idea."

Got to work on the verb/noun differentiation

After getting home and unloaded the babies' car seats into the front hall, I remarked how hot it was in the house and removed my jacket before going back grab stuff from the van. Kiernan was jumping out from the back seat when his yelled announcement echoed through the neighbourhood:

"Daddy took off his dress!"

"Um. No. You get dressed in clothing, not in dresses. Although girls can wear dresses. Some boys do too, but those are kilts. But let's simplify: Daddy took off his clothes. Um, but don't yell that either."

More fun word misinterpretation:

Sometimes Lara has a slight bit of trouble getting up in the morning after dealing babies who decide 3am is the perfect time to be wide awake. All the kids were up and getting a bit bored/cranky/demanding, so I sent Kiernan upstairs to wake mommy up. Kiernan returned soon after saying "Mommy says two more minutes."

Soon enough, Kiernan was sent on a return expedition to let her know ten minutes had passed. He came back down and said "Mommy's not done lying yet."

The question arises: Did she lie about only needing two more minutes, or is she just lying down?

Sleep deprived climbing...

2:50am: The drama queen wakes up, she's screaming, super starving; why isn't mommy feeding her already? I plod in and reswaddle her, Lara follows and sits in the chair to nurse Juliette.

3:20am: Juliette is done, Lara is asleep in the chair. I plod back and put her into bed, help Lara to her feet and out the door, where I pause to shut it behind us. Lara hangs a left into the bathroom. Not unremarkable, except that as she enters, she turns the light off. So I stop in the doorway to see her moving the step stool from in front of the sink- no, wait, she's picking it up, she's carrying it towards me... I decide it's better to stop this sort of thing before she tries to sleep-climb, so I take the step stool away. This angers her greatly, saying "I just want to go to bed!" "Okay, go ahead!" I let her pass.

3:35am: Quinn, from the playpen at the base of our bed, practices his new habit of screeching. Is he happy? Sad? Hungry? Hungry. Lara gets up out of bed and asks "Can you hand him to me?" and as I gather him up I see she's halfway out the bedroom door. "Where are you going?" She pauses, then returns to the glider to feed Quinn.

3:50am: Quinn is done, Lara is asleep in the glider. I pick him up, put him back into bed, and help Lara to her feet. She walks straight out the door and into the bathroom. This time I'm curious - I won't let her actually climb the steps, but I'll see where she wants to bring it. Unfortunately she immediately pulls an about-face, comes back in the door and literally falls into bed.